In adversity we go deeper

24 Mar

In adversity we go deeper by Dean Phelan

In early 2017 I was diagnosed as having acute myeloid leukaemia or AML. I was immediately hospitalized to undergo intensive chemotherapy. I remained in hospital for the next five months, and then my care was transferred to home. As the treatment progressed, I made the decision to resign from my role as CEO of Churches of Christ in Queensland and to step down from all other external involvements. It was a decision I needed to take for the good of the organisations I was involved with and for myself. It was a difficult time for my wife, family, colleagues and me.

I had faced a somewhat similar challenge twenty-two years earlier. At Christmas time 1995 I was told I had a brain tumour and that I would die if surgery was not attempted. Eleven hours in theatre, hospitalization and months of rehab and recuperation followed. I was left totally deaf on one side, but I came through and grew strong again.

I have twice stood on the precipice and prepared myself for the unknown. I have also travelled with and lost close friends who have had their battles with cancer. I have grieved with friends who have lost a loved one, and friends who have suffered great stresses with associated anger and bitterness. The unwanted truth is that adversity and suffering are never far away from all of us.

Yet, paradoxically, I have discovered that some of the greatest blessings – “gold nuggets” – are buried deep within these dark places. I am sure I became a better father, husband, son, friend and leader as a result of my first journey through surgery and long months of recovery. I became more present and empathetic; my sense of self became more grounded, rather than always needing external factors to make me feel okay. I developed a deeper resilience and became (a little) more patient. My spiritual development deepened. I became clearer about what I stood for, and how I wanted to make a difference.

“Some Say You’re Lucky” by Gregory Orr1

Some say you’re lucky

If nothing shatters it.

But then you wouldn’t Understand poems or songs. You’d never know

Beauty comes from loss.

It’s deep inside every person: A tear tinier

Than a pearl or thorn.

It’s one of the places

Where the beloved is born.

During times of great adversity and loss, we all reach a point where something shatters or tears. Our ego and our attempts to control, break, and the suffering strips us bare. Suffering is awful, and it is a place we would never go willingly.

But I have learned there is a gateway from this place of suffering that takes us into a deeper place. Sadness and melancholy come as we are forced to accept that this is the way things are, at least for now. The gateway opens when we finally let go. We sometimes say, “our heart is broken”.

Yet this breaking open and letting go is also connected to a new level of receptiveness, authenticity and openness of heart. We are more present and open to what is around us. We have more empathy and we see with fresh eyes. We appreciate beauty, the flowers, the songs of the birds, and the scent of the gardenias outside our window. The world in turn seems to respond to us more openly.

WHEN THE HEART by Michael Leunig2

When the heart

Is cut or cracked or broken,

Do not clutch it;

Let the wound lie open.

Let the wind

From the good old sea blow in

To bathe the wound with salt, And let it sting.

Let a stray dog lick it,

Let a bird lean in the hole and sing A simple song like a tiny bell,

And let it ring.

I think this is when and where we sense our soul – the pure essence of who we are - which is like a crystal-clear stream of pure water deep within a mountain. The blessing is that once we know from experience that this place within is real, we can learn to find our way there via other (less painful) contemplative pathways – through prayer, meditation, nature, music, or any “soulful” practise.

Parker Palmer describes the soul as like a wild animal...” tough, resilient, savvy, self-sufficient and yet exceedingly shy. If we want to see a wild animal, the last thing we should do is to go crashing through the woods, shouting for the creature to come out. But if we are willing to walk quietly into the woods and sit silently for an hour or two at the base of a tree, the creature we are waiting for may well emerge, and out of the corner of an eye we will catch a glimpse of the precious wildness we seek.”3

Sometimes in stillness, we also sense our soul’s connection to an even vaster ocean of pure water. Jesus referred to “fresh, living water” and said: “the water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life.”4Throughout history different names and metaphors have been used to describe this “ocean,” sensed by people in every age. Some people call it the Essence, or Love. Some new age writers refer to ‘the Universe”. In Star Wars it is known as “the Force”. Paul Tillich described it as the “ground of all being”5. I am content to name my understanding as God; and I believe this is what Jesus meant when he said the Kingdom of God is within us.

It is the place of great love and compassion. It is where real wisdom and truth are found. No ego- related needs, hate or anger exist, because the ego cannot get through the gateway. I think Jesus was talking as much about the big egos that often go with being rich, when he said: “It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”6

In adversity we go deeper, particularly when no satisfactory answers to our grief and stress are to be found. We instinctively search for our souls in the hope of finding some solace or meaning. The gift and blessing that can come from this “soul-searching” is that sometimes we find it and are able to drink a little of the fresh, living waters gushing from the eternal artesian spring deep within us. And this is enough to sustain us through.

1 https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/gregory-orr

2 https://www.leunig.com.au/works/poems

3 Parker J. Palmer, A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life (2004)

4 John 4:10,14

5 Ground of Being: Neglected Essays by Paul Tillich, Mindvendor (2015)

6 Matthew 19:24

You can purchase a copy of Keith’s book at **https://acom.edu.au/going-deeper-to-go-further/** .
The book is a culmination of thousands of hours of Keith’s one on one listening, mentoring and research. It is gold. We strongly recommend it to anyone in ministry leadership.

Dean Phelan

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